But, I am really lost.
I got the wrong idea.
I am the big big loser.
I am shit.
Really.
And, most importantly, I suck.
I acted like I understand, I don't.
I acted like I know, I don't.
I acted like I can, I can't.
I acted like I will, I won't.
WHAT IS HAPPENING.
Why do I have to always complicate myself.
Why can't I not contradict myself for just one day.
What the shit am I going through.
It is not like I have not gone through what was heavy for me before.
But I think, that is not the worst for me to handle.
There is more to come.
I know I shouldn't say all these.
I know I should be positive.
But, right now.
Can I just be what I am feeling right now?
Tomorrow will be better, make me believe.
(I have to believe)
ARGHHH.
The feeling of self-destruction, degradation is coming back.
My greatest fear, my greatest resentment.
Not of life.
But to my own soul.
Why don't I seek God?
... ...
A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PRINCE OF PEACE.
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